i hope you're as happy as you're pretending...

Let me tell you- that song will never get old. I was driving home from work in the dismal weather and this song came on. I almost couldn't believe it. I was instantly brought back to high school. And I sang. This song makes me so happy even though it's terribly depressing like most death cab songs are.

I must say something before I go on. Today I received a card from a very dear friend of mine. Someone who understands my soul entirely and still cares for me. I absolutely adore this boy and his letters are without a doubt the best I've ever received in my life. He reminded me of things that I had forgotten and as usual is pushing me to be a better version of myself. I just wish he were closer. But maybe I wouldn't feel as I do if he did live closer. Either way I can't wait to write him back. I typically write back and mail his response the day after! <3

I've been in a funk. I've been happy and dealing with my moods but truly I've been in a funk hence the lack of blog updates. So I apologize for that. But I won't blog boringly. I'd rather not blog. I've just been slightly boring and standoffish to people who could offer adventures. I've also become slightly cynical. Not for any particular reason really. Because I've lived a good life. I haven't had so many more negative experiences then anyone else but for some reason I just have interest or belief system in dating someone. I've also not been living the good life. I've been thinking that "I'm too cool for school". I'm starting to rethink that. There's a point where confidence passes the threshold into narcissism. And I think that's where I've been. All my actions and my karmic energy that I've been putting out into this world has been less then pleasing. But now I'm aware of it.

So things are good. I started my half sleeve (finally). It's so lovely and elegant. I know that when I'm in my 50's that I won't mind it. It'll just remind me of how free-spirited I was and perhaps I mean even smile when I'm that old because I'll remember how silly I was. I adore it. October 9th I'll be getting some more. Either the star my Pop has or a bird. An outline of a sparrow or dove. Because I'm as free as the wind. I know it's seems excessive but I'm obsessed. Same with running. Although that's a bit of a lie. I haven't been running lately.. I have been exercising but not running as hard core as I was. I'm starting again tomorrow.

I came home today, after work, and had a complete renovation of my attitude. I just was feeling sorry for myself. And I was completely changed. Maybe because I was planning on going out tonight to Grits and Gravy. But the rain changed that and I'm actually really okay with that. So I cleaned my room and bathroom. I'll be working tomorrow 330-midnight. I'm not a big fan of closing but I don't mind. My Mom has good feelings about me and jobs this week or at least the upcoming couple of weeks. So we'll see.

Some times, especially with Fall coming up. Someone to walk arm in arm with. Wear scarves with. Drink spiced tea and hot cocoa and eat caramel apples with. I'm not really looking for a relationship or just sex per se but adventures. Someone to live deeply with.

The pink hued sky is enchanting. Time to walk the Mikey dog.

But before I go- here's a picture of Ly Ly and I with my new tattoo