quit these pretentious things and just punch the clock.

I know it's not too rare that we find music and lyrics that fit our lives. Maybe, it's that particular moment or maybe it's always been the case. This song has been particularly meaningful especially due to my ever present bout of wanderlust.


"These days, my life, I feel it has no purpose,
But late at night the feelings swim to the surface.
Cause on the surface the city lights shine,
They're calling at me, "come and find your kind."

But I feel like this is my life story. Truly and it's awful. I go through my days and feel like I'm getting nowhere and I'm going there fast. I don't want to turn into one of these people that works at nothing for years and then finally stops one day and looks around and says what the hell happened to me, my life, my goals and my dreams? I just wish I could be like most people and just do a job. I wish I didn't have to the "perfect and meaningful" job. I feel like the teaching thing can't come soon enough. But I haven't even really begun to study for it. I'm starting tomorrow.

I've come to a conclusion, I am going to do something every day that is going to better my situation. Even if it's just 30 mins of reading from a book or exercising. I'm going to be doing things like studying for the FTCE,running, finishing Anna Karenina, practice French and Armenian, learn the guitar, practice the piano,continue with Spanish. I think the worse realization one can come to is that the life they are living is just ordinary. And I've come to that realization.

I just need to figure out my life. I know teaching is next up in my life but where will I do it? The FTCE is here in FL. I want to travel. Should I do that? Should I do Teach for America? Will my wandering ever be done? Will I ever become content? And on this early Wednesday morning, I am no closer to the answers. All I know I will wake up in like 8 hours, go for a run, and start the studying for the FTCE.

I really do wish I could be frivolous, and be a singer, a writer, a model, be the cute girl I've always wanted to be and do anything I want. It sucks when you have these whimsies and real bills to pay.

Now, I must add a disclaimer. I know this was more of a whiny entry but sometimes, we're whiny bitches. It happens. I'm glad that I've hit this wall, it was the catalyst needed to bring about change. Things have to get that bad before they get good. And it'll be a rough road to change but I'll be that much better for it in the end. Thanks for listening to ramblings of brain tonight.


sleep well dear readers.